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Part 3: Transforming trauma into expressional dancing and journaling - the body keeps the score

The last day it is or is it not?

Of exploring trauma through music.

3 days I have been dancing for 10 minutes each day and journaling for 10 minutes after.

I was on a video call with my best friend on day one, by myself on day two and today was with my kiwi girlfriend Emma. Together we shared my room as a safe space to express ourselves.

This has been really good, but I feel like there is so much more to reveal.

Things that are still unsaid, unhealed, unprocessed and yet to be discovered.

It's kinda scary, I wonder where this could possibly take me.

But I appreciate the journey. I appreciate the unknown. This might be the last day for now.

Apparently, awakening happens when we accept the unknown, the uncertain.

When we accept that we don't know shit and just let it in.

No judgment.

Whatever is, that is.

I am here. I am now.

I am present.

I am with you.

You are beautiful, and so am I.

And so is love, my love.

Yeah, I said it, I love you.

And I love all.

I don't need to be loved to feel love.

Love is everywhere, love is in everyone and everything.

In nature, in touch, in friends,

You can even love a stranger,

Or the story you invent for them.

You can love love itself.

Who we are is undefined, in the divine.

We are unconditional, we are eternal.

We are the river, the birds, and the universe.



If I harm you, I harm myself.

In fact, those who cause the biggest harm to others hate themself the most.

Someone that is in peace and love with who they are,

Would never choose to harm anyone or anything.

So those who harm, are the ones that need unconditional love the most.

I am choosing to let go of myself,

And choose to be a higher me.

I know that's where the peace will be.

I am God.

God is in me.

God is in everything.

God is light and only light.

This God is not just one God he/she/they is the God of all religions,

Facing a different name in different worlds.

They is who you want them to be.

Spirits, the universe anything.

I allow light to be,

It has a place inside of me.

You may come in.

The door is wide open. Enter, when you're ready my love. -

I feel anxious. I feel stressed.

And I know expectations cause it all.

What I want from you, me, and them.

I want to make people proud,

But actions will never count.

Whatever I do,

Will never be enough.

Or has always been enough?

It's not my actions that determine my worth.

I am worthy by just being me.

I am unconditionally loved by just being.

Who am I? What does being yourself even mean?

How do I let go of anxiety?

My ego is hurt.

I don't want to be the odd one anymore.

Though, I also know,

I don't want to swim with the stream.

But, why does refusing to swim with the stream,

Automatically mean swimming against it?

How can I be different?

How can I be me?

And still, accepted?

Part of the system,

I don't belong,

Without being filtered out?

Sometimes I hate being so different. Most times I love it.

I am human. I am allowed to feel things, the way I feel them.

Right now, I just want to feel part of something.

Part of a world that lets me in,

Without the chaos, I feel from within.

Today, I am lonely.

Today, I am sad.

Even though I am not alone.

But everything is temporary just like this feeling, just like today, just like you and me and everything.

And sometimes the best thing you can do about it is to have a rest and go to sleep.

And maybe tomorrow things will be a little bit better.

Today will be different tomorrow.

This pain will make me appreciate love and belonging even more.

I'll find all of that from within and stop seeking it outside and everything will be alright.

This moment,

Is perfect as it is.

Everything is as it is meant to be.

Pain has its purpose.

I love life.

I am thankful for all it has to offer.

I see my light.

The good and the so-called bad.

I see your light.

This moment,

Is temporary.

So am I.

So let's just be.

Set it all free,

And see,

It's best to just do me.

- Learning to love me for me

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