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You know,

It's kinda funny cause everyone seems to be getting crazy these days.

People just simply cannot handle the lockdown.

And I must admit, I'm...fine.

I actually don't mind, not gonna lie.

But, I was wondering..why?

And then I remembered:

I know how it's like to be locked down.

I've been there already.

Today I'm 23 and I was 18 years old when..I experienced my first lockdown.

When the world, still seemed perfectly normal.

They took me to house 22, where everyone was pure madness.

I was surrounded by hard cases of psychosis, schizophrenia, mania, and other disorders.

I have seen crazy before,

But..these people were hardcore.

And I was right there,

In the middle of it all.

And I felt so small.

And the weirdest thing was that my sister,

That died 20 years ago,

Used to be shut down in the same freaking house as me.

How tragic can life be?

House 22 that's where it started.

When we both unlearned what it meant to be.. free.

When the doors wouldn't open anymore, and people constantly check on you.

When bathrooms wouldn't have locks, and meals were scheduled by someone else.

And you, you became just another number on the door.

They called it therapeutic lockdown for my own good.

But it really felt like prison.

I think I nearly lost my sanity too, did I start to hear voices coming through?

It was crazy and kinda shocking. what they call suicide prevention.

I was in there, locked down, for two weeks.

Probably, the longest two weeks of my life.

And it didn't take long until I was back.

Back to house 22,

Until they decided I wasn't quite the right fit for this particular house.

So they sent me to the next one.

Where they thought people may have the same amount of madness, that I had.

Like you could measure crazy.

And I was locked down again,

This time people had the same disorder I had.

This time I was locked down for several months.

That's what happens when mental illness crosses your path,

When the depressive episode won't end anymore,

And the suicide thoughts won't go away...

That..was my first lockdown.

But now I know it was not going to be the last one.

So no, I am not going crazy in this whole Coronavirus lockdown scenario.

When I am really honest with you, I'm doing pretty great.

Maybe..better than ever.

And I get it.

It's lonely, it's sad, it's frustrating, it's frightening.

But let me tell you this from someone that had experienced almost a year in lockdown before lockdowns were even a thing.

This can be a chance. A chance for you to face your demons and make peace.

To slow down and create mindfulness.

It being by yourself, being in your own head is hard for you, then this is a big sign that something inside of you is craving for your attention and begging you to listen.

Yeah, it's easier to run and suppress, to escape into the noise and shut your ears like a little kid. But darling friend, can do better and you know it.

STOP running away from what's boiling inside of you.

You will only be able to stop the outer war with you and the world when you learn to make peace within yourself.

See this crisis as a chance and surrender to whatever that is. Embrace the silence around you and start a convo with your inner self.

Let me know your thoughts in the comment section or slide into my IG dms if you have any questions.



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