1. Can you tell us about your coming out and mental health journey?
"When I was 8 I would cry and tell my best friend that I think I was a lesbian. I would think there is something wrong with me and always was. She comforted me even though she couldn't really understand.
Later when I watched grown-up movies like fast and furious with my brother and his mates I was always blown away when I was seeing all these beautiful women but I still thought what I felt was wrong.
When I had my first relationships I would secretly imagine them being female when we were intimate and I felt very guilty about it. I felt like I was cheating.
When I cut the hair bullies that were already bullying me for other things started calling me a lesbian like it was an offense.
So what if I was a lesbian? Was is such a bad thing?
Eventually, I opened up to my boyfriend about it but he didn't take my thoughts and feelings seriously. He mainly ignored him until I broke up.
It wasn't until I met my lovely friend Shannon that was really open-minded that I felt like I had the courage to finally open up to someone and be heard. For her it wasn't a big deal I was still the same person. So I slowly but surely came out of the closest.
First as lesbian than as queer.
Most people didn't really care about it. Things pretty much remained the same. My family was super chill. Apart from my dad for him, it seemed to be something wrong.
At the same time I came out I was also diagnosed with BPD and depression. People struggled to take it seriously until I was hospitalized.
During my recovery, I started dating men again. Where once was anxiety and hatred towards men was now potential.
So most people saw it all just as a gay rebellious teenage phase. It was not a phase and never will be.
I'm still attracted to women, I still go on dates with women and if I find the right match I'd marry a woman but it doesn't really matter what people think about my sexuality all that matters is what I think about it.
I love whom I love. Period."
2. Has being a part of the queer community affected your mental health? If yes, how?
"What first felt like I was feeling something wrong, was an alien on the world and would make me different from everyone else turned out to be one of the most liberating, empowering, and inspiring safe spaces I could've ever imagined. I love my queer community."
3. How do u battle and overcome your mental health issues on a daily basis?
"I started with behavioral therapy, tried music dance and art therapy, went over to alternative healing such as reiki/ energy healing, and also did a lot of hypnotherapy included guided and self-hypnosis.
I try to maintain my mental health and receive daily habits such as a healthy diet, yoga, mediation, self-hypnosis, and working on the things I am passionate about. "
4. Any message that you want to give to the young people out there battling with mental health?
"Don't be afraid to seek help. Help is out there and you deserve to get it. You deserve to live your best life and learn to become happy and in peace. But you have to do the work. You can't control what happens to you but you can control how you deal with it. Love y'all"
Special thanks to @IZAAR for interviewing me about my coming out and mental health story!
Check them out here: https://www.instagram.com/izhaar_2020/?hl=en