Updated: Mar 30, 2020
Don’t cover your emotions, you’re not a cover girl.
Pain makes people fierce.
You're weak, they said to an innocent child.
And then what?
You think it hurts less then?
Just because she learned how to hide it?
Not showing the pain doesn’t make it go away.
It gets suppressed and covered and put into a big box with an even bigger lock hidden in the darkest corner of our subconscious mind.
And there we are then a human being that subconsciously suffers everyday year by year, practices with every year to suppress harder, we are the master of emotional suppression, until that one day when it all comes back to you. Your past was haunting you, eventually caught you and now you're motionless and emotionless. You don’t feel anything anymore you made yourself entirely numb, thus you feel it all at the same time.
You shut down.
There is always pain somewhere inside of human hearts, sometimes obvious sometimes, sometimes obviously hidden.
Not the pain itself makes people fierce, it is the process of denying it that kills us inside out.
Just like the song Scars to Your Beautiful by Alessia Cara says:
“Maybe we have made her blind
So she tries to cover up her pain and cut her woes away
'Cause cover girls don't cry after their face is made“
Once you learn that crying is bad,
That emotions are weak,
That showing weakness is wrong,
It is hard to unlearn that.
And even if they see you cry they be like:
”Smile baby gurl, smile.
Please don’t cry.
Even if it's fake.
And don't show them,
That under that cute happy face,
Hides a scarred dark heart.“
- Don’t tell me to smile and let me cry in peace.
Showing emotions is not a weakness, it is strength.
If you cry you choose you embrace your feelings rather than running away from them, that is not a weakness it is bravery.
It is brave to say ‘no I am not okay’ and it is okay to say no to the party for the upcoming weak just because ‘you don’t feel like going’
Being not in the right headspace is reason enough to choose self care and me time to recover. Showing your weaknesses and vulnerabilities makes you stronger and more inviolable than you ever thought you could be. Have a good cry under the covers or under the shower while singing to your favourite sad song (the one song that always makes you cry) and embrace your emotions. Your mental health will thank you for that.
I tried to cry the other day but it didn't work out I just couldn’t. I felt so disconnected from my feelings that I felt incapable of crying.
So many of us are full of pain but only a few of us still cry. Because we were taught not to when we were kids. We were taught wrong.
It's the best you can do when there is something lying heavily on your chest.
I know there is still a lot on mine. But I cannot reach it at the moment. Don’t force it, but when it comes - let it in.
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