Updated: Mar 30, 2020
What does bpd stand for?
Bpd is a shortcut for borderline personality disorder and is also known as an emotionally unstable personality disorder (EUPD). Her brothers and sisters are ADHD, schizophrenia, PTSD, bipolar disorder, anxiety disorders, mood disorders and eating disorders.
Combined factors such as genetics, environment, neuroscience and social life can cause borderline personality disorder in which often posttrauma is included.
A lot of bpd cases also suffer from eating disorders, depression and substance abuse.
Symptoms of borderline personality disorder
Every case is very different but the most common symptoms are:
● A pattern of unstable and intense relationships
● Anger that does not fit with the situation or difficulty controlling anger
● Suicidal behaviour, self-destructive behavior or self-harm
● Experiencing minor problems as major crises
● ‘Black and white’ thinking and emotional intensity often lead to love hate relationships.
● Fear of abandonment. People with BPD are often terrified of being abandoned or left alone.
● Distorted self-image.
● Disturbed sense of identity
● Impulsive reactions
● Extreme emotional swings.
● Chronic feelings of emptiness.
Are Borderliners bad people?
People often judge others that are diagnosed with bpd. They personify all Borderliners as manipulative and evil, which is very not true. Borderliners are not bad people. They can be very intelligent, loving and kind. They have emotional regulation issues and most of them need outside help to find a way to channel these. Next time someone tells you they have bpd don’t judge them right away, every human has light and darkness give them a little light and you might wonder how much light they will give back to you.
My Borderline story
I always thought there was something wrong with me. My whole life I felt like I was so different than the other kids my emotions were all over the place. From primary school onwards I was already extremely aggressive, impulsive, emotional and obsessive. I wanted my best friend to be only mine and seeing her with other kids that hated me almost led to an extensional crisis.
Things didn’t get better when I experiences trauma, violence and bullying, so my emotional outbursts starts to escalate. Between 15 and 19 I had the worst time of my life. I was full of pain, anger and hatred. Towards myself and everyone else. The belief that anyone cared about me or loved me (including my family) seemed absurd to me.
When I was diagnosed with 18 I really needed the label. It felt so good to know what’s wrong with me. I felt like I could finally explain myself to my family and friends and be like: Look I know it’s not an excuse but this is my personality disorder. THIS is what’s wrong with me” I started reading so many books about bpd and I just felt comfortable reading that I was not the only one.
The struggle of finding a therapist when you have bpd
As y’all probably know by know my artsy career is full of rejections, but that also happened to occur when I started looking for a therapist. No one “wanted” me. It seemed like there were scared of my instability and suicide thoughts and coulnd’t handle me. It felt horrible. I felt like even professionals that are supposed to help me seem helpless.
But eventually I found a therapist and ways that helped me to overcome my suffering. She even claimed my diagnosis for bpd as faulty. According to her I am rather the child of someone with bpd, which gives me some traits of it rather than actually bpd myself.
After I spent almost a year in a psychiatric hospital, trying therapy with several psychologists and getting served with medication I started to believe that the “common” way of therapy just simply didn't work. I felt I was literally just chatting about stuff without getting anywhere.
Every time I would be asked: “How was your week” And I would casually say stuff like: “Oh uhm yeah you know massive arguments with my mum, I ran away from home, I started to harm my self and tried to commit suicide.”
And we would just talk. Talk about what happened and stuff.
But everytime I would ask something like: “But how can I change how I am feeling? How can I heal? I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I want to learn to control myself better.”
And she wouldn't have an answer.
Honestly, if I want to chat with someone about suicide as if it’s small talk I can just meet up with my bpd friends.
Healing bpd with Hypnotherapy & energy healing
So I decided to look for different ways of healing. Spiritual and subconscious ways to heal.
And I found them.
I realized that all the issues I had at the moment was trauma and pain from my past that I haven’t had overcome. Everytime I would have an emotional crisis the current situation was only the trigger - not the reasons.
How do you heal posttrauma?
Work on your subconscious.
That was the best decision I could’ve ever made
I don’t want to say that all therapists are useless or that borderliners should avoid therapy. I think combining therapy with hypnotherapy is the best way to go. It will help you to learn and reflect the now and overcome the past. It will help you become a better version of you.
Self Reflection, Hypnosis, Healers & Traveling
When I left the toxic school system behind, started self-hypnosis, booked hypnotherapy and reiki sessions and travelled away from my toxic environment I could see improvements very fast. Walking the camino de Santiago helped massively too. Walking 600 kilometers in 3 weeks gave me a lot of time to think.
It literally took everything away from me and built me up 10 times stronger, like Hape Kerkeling already promised in his book “Ich bin dann mal weg”.
Whether I have borderline personality disorder or am a child of someone with bpd I can say that the pain I experience in young years is something I wish no one to have. One of the main problems is that being in that evil circle it feels like it will never stop and it fully consumes you.
But if you are willing to change and willing to try all different methods it will stop.
How do I deal with my personality disorder today?
The last 4 weeks I listened to two self-hypnosis audios every day because I am still recovering from things and I still need and want to work on a lot. I want to become a strong and healthy of myself. I want to experience fundamental self-love and charity and I want to get closer and closer to the best version of myself.
My love letter to you
Hello like-minded soul,
Life is beautiful and it is a gift to be on earth.
Suicide should never be a solution
You can heal.
One step at a time.
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I would love to hear from you!