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Part 1: Transforming trauma Our flawed fake memory and our stubborn head.

Who am I and how many?

Am I even human and if human am I?

Who am I to say that I KNOW, if I don't even know my own past.

Yes, that's right I don't remember most things from my past.

My memories don't make sense, I don't even know if they're real.

Cause our memory brain is flawed, you know.

Your brain can literally invent memories and give you the false belief that you do remember when you actually ... don't.

Like when your parents show you a picture of you when you were 9 or something and they tell you a little story about what supposedly happened on that day.

And one day, you will look at this picture and think of a memory, when it was actually just a story someone told you that might not even be true.

I barely remember what I did last night,

Or what you did to me last December.

If I am honest I don't really know if what I remember ever happened.

The human brain is flawed. I am flawed.

I feel so lost.

I wish I knew my past, but I don't.

What is there to hold on to, when you don't even know what reality feels like?

I hear music.

Music in a foreign language that isn't mine.

A language I don't understand.

Have you ever listened to a song, without understanding the lyrics, but somehow you still understood what it meant? What it felt like? What it was?

That's how I feel about life.

Why do we always try to figure everything out?

Why can't we just accept the unknown?

Yes, I know that I know nothing, cheers to that Socrates.

So why the fuck do we all try to act up so freaking knowledgable?

Like as if we know our shit?

Like as if we have figured it all out?

Cause bro, we don't know shit.

Why do we always have this excessive need to lecture everyone but act like we can't be lectured? I find myself pushing away valid knowledge from people, I don't acknowledge them as worthy of my attention. What I ignore is the fact that every single person on this earth can teach me something, even the people I don't like....especially the people I don't like.

I recently read that people teach what they need to learn.

And man, that hit freaking hard.

"I'm such a fool", I thought.

How come we never realize something so obvious until we do?

Where is my consciousness?

Where am I?

You wanna hear the honest truth?

I'm a shit listener.

I cannot pay attention for a long time, because I observe people's energy, words, thoughts, and feelings and it drains me. It tires me.

To be able to remain social I need to leave a little distance between me and the person talking, which can make me pretty ignorant.

They always told me they want an empath friend. They always hold the empath so high. But what they don't acknowledge is that the empath will drag you down when their batteries are empty.

I want to be a good listener with my eyes wide open, with heart and soul present, and my ears directed at your voice (or noise). I want to learn to listen, for the sake of listening. Like art for art's sake but you know with listening. Just listen to listen not to respond.

I don't have all the answers. No one does actually.

And sometimes it's best to admit, that you don't know.

Sometimes it's best to remain silent.

Sometimes, silence can tackle more than a thousand words.

Sometimes silence is more powerful, than any response.

Instead, of trying to convince everyone of our own reality, why don't we try to expand it instead by sharing and exploring each other's reality.

Let others be others. And those who want to be in your circle will join either way.

I am an INFJ which means I'm intuitive I make decisions based on my gut feeling and the big picture. This guy I met is a sensor he lives in the "real" world not in the clouds as I do.

In fact, it feels like we live on two different planets. But just because my planet works differently from his, doesn't mean that my planet isn't valid.

It's just a different way of winging it. It's not always right or wrong. In fact, we all have our own completely subjective truth and assumption of what's the so-called reality. And that's great. If we were all the same we could never progress or learn from each other. And yeah it kinda sucks when someone doesn't share your own opinion but it also expands your horizon...if you let it.

My planet blooms widely and beautifully and so does his, it is just a different kind of beauty in a completely different system.

Neither of us is wrong,

We're both right.

But our right,

Is not the same,

And that's okay.

- Live and let them live




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